March 31st 2020
Hey all you cool cats and kittens! Ok, sorry I had to say it. I meant to say it to Anne, John, and Lexi this morning but forgot. Don't sue me Carole. Please. I love animals, girl, and I don't think you killed your husband. Ok, thats a lie but still please don't sue me. We did a deep clean at the salon today and did curb side pickups for products and gel polish remover kits. Such a nice change of scenery and pace even though I live in the building. We listened to the pandemic playlist Anne, John, Carl, and myself made a few weekends ago. It was such a good time. Yeah, cleaning the salon was a good time! I broke out into song a few times and Im sure everyone felt like they were listening to an angel singing. My choir teacher would be so proud. Shout out to Mr. Cone! While I was serenading my coworkers I was waiting for my Imperfect Food box to arrive. Of course they didn't show up during the time we were cleaning so I was mildly irritated because last time I missed the delivery and didn't bother to even call to reschedule because I was too stressed about Miss Rona.
While I waited for it to arrive I did my own nails because they were getting incredibly long. Even though Im not in a relationship or seeing anyone I try to keep them short, because ya know, the whole lesbian thing. Plus, I hate the feeling of when they are too long. My parents read this. Im sorry mom and dad but I can't completely censor myself on here. A girl has to speak her mind! Anyhow, I was really not in the mood to do a color. I was feeling black or a nude because I haven't seen the fucking sun in over a week. Then I decided I should probably do something that would brighten my day. With that being said I now have five different colors of orange on my fingers and I look like I dipped my hand in Sunkist ad. Or maybe the tigers in Tiger King inspired me, who knows.
During my DIY manicure I got a message from my therapist, whom I absolutely adore. The dynamic is such a relaxed but open vibe. She makes me feel like its ok to 100% be myself with how I am feeling and I don't really tell many people what Im actually thinking. Which is probably why I have such a hard time in relationship, because I hold so much shit in. You see, being in a relationship for nearly 5 years that completely destroys you will do that. You feel like you don't have a place to speak your mind to your significant other because why give them another reason to cheat on you or make you feel less than a human being. Its taken me a lot of self discovery, another failed relationship, and my therapist, family, and friends to get me to where I am now. I am by NO means where I want to be, but Im on my way. When I tell you I am struggling with this stay at home business, I mean it. This is going to be one of the hardest things I have ever done mentally.
April 1st, 2020
Last night I went outside to have a smoke before bed and its been extra quiet since the bar next door is closed. Boy oh boy, did I get some action last night though. I look across the way at the building two down from mine and I see a cat walking on the window sill. So, Im like holy smokes how did that cat get up there because its a two story building and these buildings tend to have high ceilings so it raises the building's height up even more. Im watching this cat and Im like "wait a minute".... is that a fucking raccoon? Sure as shit its a raccoon, just walking around an exploring. Im taking picture on my phone to send to Anne when all of a sudden I hear something about 4 feet from me. IT WAS ANOTHER FUCKING RACCOON! It was walking down the covered porch area of the bar, and when I say my soul left my body. I hoped right into my apartment because that thing was huge. Graceful, but huge. I would like to be like a raccoon, a little chubby but quite agile.
After that got my heart rate up I had a hard time sleeping. I was up every two hours again, for the millionth time. I had a dream a grizzly bear was attacking me through a tent because I was camping. I could feel its mouth wrapped around the back of my neck and I went limp. Didn't move, didn't breathe. Such a weird dream. I looked it up and it said something about overcoming suffering and taking out whatever "life's garbage" you have. I don't know, sometimes this shit makes sense to me and other times it sounds like someone wrote it while they were on meth.
April 2nd, 2020
I took a muscle relaxer last night and slept all night for a change. Got up and got semi ready, filled out my absentee ballot and put it out in the mail. It was so weird to do it at home, I kind of felt like I was doing something against the rules by doing it at home. The mailman we have down where I live and I are buddies so I messaged him to make sure he was working and asked if he could drop by and pick it up. Connections are important, people ( LOL ). Then I started working on a new craft which is difficult for me because Im so self critical. Anne had to remind me that it doesn't need to be perfect. I do like doing artsy things but never feel like its good enough. Helllllllo low self esteem. Its all dot work with acrylic paint which actually I thought would be easy since we use dotting tools a lot in the salon for nail art. Surprise bitch! It is not. I started one and hated it so I started another one and I am actually loving it now that Im getting the hang of it.
I just got off the phone with Anne, which up until this point the only time we have ever talked on the phone was for emergencies. We talked for 48 minutes which was really nice to just bullshit and vent like we would in real life. Anne and I really have such a great friendship. We kind of just get each other in a lot of ways but also bring different dynamics to the friendship, if that makes sense. Also, I can say something horrible and she doesn't judge me. If she says something horrible, I don't judge her. We have both concluded we are both probably going to hell anyways so, whatev.
Awe I just saw a lady walking down the alley with her big fluffy dog, what a shame I can't go pet it. Im seriously like the neighborhood watch even more so now that the bar next door is closed. I don't know why I just feel responsible to make sure no shenanigans are going on. I never realized how much comfort I found in the bar being open, particularly at night. The fact there were always people in and out on the back deck smoking made me feel like if someone tried to break on or something silly, they would more than likely see it. For some reason it just makes me feel safer and now Im having such a hard time sleeping, and I don't know if thats why or if Im just such a fucking spaz that I can't sleep for no reason. Off to make some shrimp scampi, folks!
Okay, Bye, Love You!
Hey all you cool cats and kittens! Ok, sorry I had to say it. I meant to say it to Anne, John, and Lexi this morning but forgot. Don't sue me Carole. Please. I love animals, girl, and I don't think you killed your husband. Ok, thats a lie but still please don't sue me. We did a deep clean at the salon today and did curb side pickups for products and gel polish remover kits. Such a nice change of scenery and pace even though I live in the building. We listened to the pandemic playlist Anne, John, Carl, and myself made a few weekends ago. It was such a good time. Yeah, cleaning the salon was a good time! I broke out into song a few times and Im sure everyone felt like they were listening to an angel singing. My choir teacher would be so proud. Shout out to Mr. Cone! While I was serenading my coworkers I was waiting for my Imperfect Food box to arrive. Of course they didn't show up during the time we were cleaning so I was mildly irritated because last time I missed the delivery and didn't bother to even call to reschedule because I was too stressed about Miss Rona.
While I waited for it to arrive I did my own nails because they were getting incredibly long. Even though Im not in a relationship or seeing anyone I try to keep them short, because ya know, the whole lesbian thing. Plus, I hate the feeling of when they are too long. My parents read this. Im sorry mom and dad but I can't completely censor myself on here. A girl has to speak her mind! Anyhow, I was really not in the mood to do a color. I was feeling black or a nude because I haven't seen the fucking sun in over a week. Then I decided I should probably do something that would brighten my day. With that being said I now have five different colors of orange on my fingers and I look like I dipped my hand in Sunkist ad. Or maybe the tigers in Tiger King inspired me, who knows.
During my DIY manicure I got a message from my therapist, whom I absolutely adore. The dynamic is such a relaxed but open vibe. She makes me feel like its ok to 100% be myself with how I am feeling and I don't really tell many people what Im actually thinking. Which is probably why I have such a hard time in relationship, because I hold so much shit in. You see, being in a relationship for nearly 5 years that completely destroys you will do that. You feel like you don't have a place to speak your mind to your significant other because why give them another reason to cheat on you or make you feel less than a human being. Its taken me a lot of self discovery, another failed relationship, and my therapist, family, and friends to get me to where I am now. I am by NO means where I want to be, but Im on my way. When I tell you I am struggling with this stay at home business, I mean it. This is going to be one of the hardest things I have ever done mentally.
April 1st, 2020
Last night I went outside to have a smoke before bed and its been extra quiet since the bar next door is closed. Boy oh boy, did I get some action last night though. I look across the way at the building two down from mine and I see a cat walking on the window sill. So, Im like holy smokes how did that cat get up there because its a two story building and these buildings tend to have high ceilings so it raises the building's height up even more. Im watching this cat and Im like "wait a minute".... is that a fucking raccoon? Sure as shit its a raccoon, just walking around an exploring. Im taking picture on my phone to send to Anne when all of a sudden I hear something about 4 feet from me. IT WAS ANOTHER FUCKING RACCOON! It was walking down the covered porch area of the bar, and when I say my soul left my body. I hoped right into my apartment because that thing was huge. Graceful, but huge. I would like to be like a raccoon, a little chubby but quite agile.
After that got my heart rate up I had a hard time sleeping. I was up every two hours again, for the millionth time. I had a dream a grizzly bear was attacking me through a tent because I was camping. I could feel its mouth wrapped around the back of my neck and I went limp. Didn't move, didn't breathe. Such a weird dream. I looked it up and it said something about overcoming suffering and taking out whatever "life's garbage" you have. I don't know, sometimes this shit makes sense to me and other times it sounds like someone wrote it while they were on meth.
April 2nd, 2020
I took a muscle relaxer last night and slept all night for a change. Got up and got semi ready, filled out my absentee ballot and put it out in the mail. It was so weird to do it at home, I kind of felt like I was doing something against the rules by doing it at home. The mailman we have down where I live and I are buddies so I messaged him to make sure he was working and asked if he could drop by and pick it up. Connections are important, people ( LOL ). Then I started working on a new craft which is difficult for me because Im so self critical. Anne had to remind me that it doesn't need to be perfect. I do like doing artsy things but never feel like its good enough. Helllllllo low self esteem. Its all dot work with acrylic paint which actually I thought would be easy since we use dotting tools a lot in the salon for nail art. Surprise bitch! It is not. I started one and hated it so I started another one and I am actually loving it now that Im getting the hang of it.
I just got off the phone with Anne, which up until this point the only time we have ever talked on the phone was for emergencies. We talked for 48 minutes which was really nice to just bullshit and vent like we would in real life. Anne and I really have such a great friendship. We kind of just get each other in a lot of ways but also bring different dynamics to the friendship, if that makes sense. Also, I can say something horrible and she doesn't judge me. If she says something horrible, I don't judge her. We have both concluded we are both probably going to hell anyways so, whatev.
Awe I just saw a lady walking down the alley with her big fluffy dog, what a shame I can't go pet it. Im seriously like the neighborhood watch even more so now that the bar next door is closed. I don't know why I just feel responsible to make sure no shenanigans are going on. I never realized how much comfort I found in the bar being open, particularly at night. The fact there were always people in and out on the back deck smoking made me feel like if someone tried to break on or something silly, they would more than likely see it. For some reason it just makes me feel safer and now Im having such a hard time sleeping, and I don't know if thats why or if Im just such a fucking spaz that I can't sleep for no reason. Off to make some shrimp scampi, folks!
Okay, Bye, Love You!
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